I still get very afraid of being alive… I am still prone to thinking I need some way to protect myself from it. I need a house of bones or I need a drink … I need something that will keep me safe from judgment, from sadness, from feeling at all, from being alive… Some days I am like, I am so tired of dealing with this brain that is like, ‘why am I so scared?’
I seem to have this idea that someone out there knows how this is done. Someone out there knows how to be a person in the world and do it right and not be scared. I have not met this person yet. I hear there’s no one like that. I hear we’re all awkward, and insecure, and our feet fit us funny… and people are really messy."
Birth of Venus Alexandre Cabanel(1863) - details